A Life Full Of Friendships Lost.

The friendships I make with people mean the world to me. I think its really one of the most important aspect of my life. I try to lead my life in an open inviting way, be kind to everyone and not judge by what I hear or what I know. Obviously everyone judges at one point in life, but when I met a friend, who I won't name we will call her Jane* for the time being, I heard everything over the sun about her good and bad. Jane was the one that everyone wanted to be friends with but only if she could help them when they needed it. So I got to know this Jane. I let her into my life and she let me partially into hers, which I completely understood knowing the situations she was in.
Most people couldnt really believe that we were even remotely close. We were complete opposites, from different sides of town and had completely different views on everything, but it worked. I considered her one of my best friends. We had a falling out not long back which really broke the friendship up for quite a long time. After not being on good terms we finally decided that it wasn't worth it to be mad at each other. Things happened Jane and myself realized that really we were just being foolish.
It took me a lot longer to really gain trust back with Jane. It was one of those situations where most people wouldn't even consider going back to the person that caused alot of problems. I finally noticed that she was being completly serious. She wasn't trying to hurt me again. She was really trying. I finally got the chance to go see her the other day. It was weird at first just because it was almost 4 months before that I saw her, but then I was fine. It felt like old times.
Not three days later, after I gained trust back and gave into her "Jane" ways as I would put it, she told me over a text mind you, that she wasnt someone I should be friends with. I knew her past but I didn't care anymore. A past is called a past for a reason. She kept saying I need to let go, leave, not come back again. If anyone knows me for about...20 mins. they would realize that I'm a very stubborn person, I told her no that I couldn't let go, I didn't understand. I was confused to the utmost confusion there could ever be. I didn't get what was going on. I didnt understand why she was doing this, all she would say is I'm not a friend you want. The thing she doesn't understand though, is she is a friend I want.
Ever since she sent that text that said "Bye", I haven't known whether she would come back or not. If she would talk to me after giving herself time to cool off. Right now I'm trying to get myself ready to "let go" if needed. I'm really hoping that it doesn't end like this. I can't stand to lose another friend. No matter if she comes to her senses it still kills me to say "Bye".

♥ Kayla Renee

A Time for Thanks

After Thanksgiving its really been hitting me, this could be my last year being with my family on Thanksgiving, if given the fact that I will be going to Kansas State and won't have the money to come back into Oregon everytime I decide I want to. I come to look at the family that came to us on this thankful day, no one. I don't think they realize that I'm not like everyone else in the family. I have dreams and I'm going to chase them. Im going to keep going after them till I get them in the grasp of my small hands. If that means not going to the near by community college or Oregon State than thats what it means. Im gone in less than a year. I won't be around anymore.
Losing touch with my family is really hard. It seems like the only time we actually see each other is if someone in the family dies or when the decide that they want to vacation near by. Its pretty ridiculous my family, they don't know me as a person, let alone know what I look like its been so long. I talk to my friend and I get jelous because she doesn't have time to talk to me because her whole family is down for the next 3 days just to be around each other and enjoy their company. This is the family time I have always wanted. My parents say, "I don't understand why you get so upset over something so small." But its not small, this is a big deal to me. I have always yearned for the chance to have a family that gets together no matter what the circumstances. Yeah, I understand my parents have never had that but I'm a new generation of people, I guess you would say, kids, teenagers, young adults need their family more than ever right now, and yet I sit at home with the same three on Thanksgiving.
Now don't get me wrong I'm thankful for my mom, dad, little brother and friends that I love dearly but I thought Thanksgiving was supposed to be a day where you gather with these friends and family and give thanks.
After my long time of venting I want to recognize the things I am thankful for:
→ Mom, Dad & Brayden
→ My Many Friends
→ My Ag Advisors, Leah & Sam, And All Their Hard Work They Put In Every Minute Of The Day
→ Having A Warm Home To Come Home To At Night
→ Among All The Other Things That Need Thanks
Even though if I kept going and remembering all the things that have been given to me this year, it wouldn't matter. I know what I'm thankful for. This is just a reminder of what I really need to look back on through the year and let them know how thankful I really am.

♥Kayla Renee